Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Separation Relationships Do They Work Or Is It Just Putting Off The Inevitable Are
Once you get to the stage where divorce is on the cards, you might want to consider trying a separation. Relationships that try separation before they opt for a more permanent choice of divorce or permanent breakup, often succeed in repairing themselves in the long run.
This is because with separation relationships, the couple involved give themselves the benefit of a timeout and they effectively take the heat out of a tense situation. What this means is that in the heat of a pending breakup there is a chance for both parties to leave the scene, calm down and weigh up exactly what they want.
Without this separation there is every chance that the relationship would end straightaway. With separation, relationships there is every chance of saving their relationship because there are limited chances of making rash decisions that may very quickly be regretted.
However, the key to success, when considering a separation, is to set some ground rules. Make sure you sit down with your partner and iron out some detailed plans and goals. Without these plans and goals you run the risk of getting nowhere.
Some issues that are worth thinking about involve finances, arrangements regarding any children that there may be, plans about whether the two of you will see each other and if so under what circumstances, and also what kind of help the two of you might consider seeking, in regards to saving your relationship.
What is also worth agreeing to, before a separation, is whether the two of you will date other people. This is important because one of you might think that it is implicit that this will not happen, while the other might think of themselves as a free agent and free to do whatever they want with whomever they want. Whether you believe your spouse will date other people or not, this detail should be expressly ironed out before a separation is agreed.
Above all for separation relationships to work the two of you should agree how long this state will continue. It is pointless leaving the separation open ended because you could find that your relationship has drifted and the two of you have no idea how to get back on track. Agree a time frame, a few weeks, a few months, whatever you're comfortable with. Also factor in the possibility of extending the time frame. That way if you both feel you need more time or less time, then that can be easily factored in.
Without a doubt separation relationships have been used successfully to save relationships.
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Monday, June 07, 2010
Perfect Relationships - Is There Any Such Animal
Don't hold out for perfect relationships because you'll only be disappointed. So many people sabotage their chances at love because they place their loved one and/or their relationship on a pedestal.
Until you change your definition of what perfect is you are doomed to failure again and again. You will also cause yourself and anyone you enter into a relationship with, a lot of pain.
No one is perfect, but someone can be perfect for you. There is a difference. The sooner you can make that distinction the sooner you'll have a real shot at having a great, loving relationship.
To get a better idea of what someone who is perfect for you would like, I've compiled a list of some of the most commonly desired traits in a partner. Of course your ideas could be different but these traits are fairly common and they provide a good place to start in examining what you consider perfect.
1.Understanding:
People are comfortable with someone who 'gets' them. If you sing in the shower, like weird food combination's, or just like to act goofy sometimes, you'll want a partner who can play along with you.
Everyone has their own little quirks and your perfect partner will, at the minimum, accept those quirks without making fun of you and at best will have the same or similar quirks. You won't want someone who will roll their eyes or ridicule you whenever you do these things. They should love you, and accept you, just as you are.
2. Good self esteem:
One of the biggest problems I see in relationships is when one party is insecure. This insecurity is often hidden and it can come across as many other things. Very often someone who is overly sexual or overly aggressive is actually just trying to compensate for and cover up a very strong sense of insecurity.
As you get to know someone keep a close eye out for their actions, this will tell you a lot. For example, how do they react when something embarrassing happens? Do they get angry, defensive? Do they lash out at you, this should be a huge, huge, red flag. Or do they laugh and shrug and go along with it good naturedly. If they do the latter it probably means that they are a secure confidant person, and that is a trait you want to look for in a partner.
3. Outlook:
Do they share similar views on things that are important to you? You don't have to agree on everything. It's possible some relationships can thrive even if both parties are very different in many of their views; though it will only work if both parties are mature and secure and don't feel threatened that the other one doesn't agree with them on various issues.
For the most part though, it will work better if you and your potential partner have a common ground on the main issues, your core beliefs. If you value honesty and fidelity, for example, you won't be happy with someone who lies and cheats.
Believe it or not, it's actually pretty easy to find perfect relationships, or at least perfect for you. The problem is that people see what they want to see and not what is really there. I know it can be hard, especially in the beginning, but it's important for the long term health and happiness of the relationship that you take off the blinders and see your partner as they really are, not as you want them to be.
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Sunday, June 06, 2010
Mistakes Men Make In Relationships Women Make Them Too
When reading articles or books on relationships, women tend to come out smelling of roses. Is that because they are better at being lovers? Or is it because more of these types of books are written by women?
Men and women make mistakes in relationships. We are human beings and that means that we often do not get everything completely right. We may not mean to hurt people but either from lack of thought or consideration we do.
When you are part of a couple, you need to have a little patience with your other half. They are not mind readers. They cannot be expected to know what to do or say if you don't give them a few hints. They have their own issues and may be preoccupied with something important. It doesn't mean that they don't love you anymore or find you less attractive.
On the other hand if your partner lies, cheats or fails to keep his/her word, this is a problem. This shows a lack of respect for you as a person and for your partnership. You need to make sure that they know that this is not acceptable behavior and you will not tolerate it.
Women can often be insecure and lack confidence. As can men. These issues while affecting the individual also affect the couple. It is not your partners' role to make you have more confidence. Sure they should believe in you and show you how they feel but at the end of the day, you and only you can build up your self worth.
Try surprising your partner – buy her flowers when it isn't a special occasion. Cook him a meal because you want to not for any other reason. Spontaneous gestures of affection go a long way to building a harmonious household.
For the men out there, did you know that if you do more housework you generally get more sex? This is the result of a recent study. Why not try the theory and see if it proves true. Even if it doesn't get you the desired outcome, it is sure to earn you some extra brownie points.
Strengthen your relationship by having plenty of intimate contact. It releases a bonding hormone called oxytocin helping you to stay together and weather the storms that all couples face.
Don't let stereotypes ruin your relationship. Your wife may hate shopping and you may remember every birthday or special occasion. Just because the books say men are useless at remembering dates and women love to burn holes in credit cards doesn't mean it applies to you and your other half.
Remember all the reasons why you got together in the first place. Her smile, his ability to make you laugh. Remembering the fun times and the initial spark will help you to deepen the existing bonds between you. Shared memories, mutual trust and respect and having fun together are all ingredients of a great relationship. Women will agree with that, I'm sure of it!
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Thursday, June 03, 2010
Affair Relationships Be Clear On What Youre Doing Before You Start An Affair
When a marriage hits the rocks, one of the easiest situations to find yourself in is having an affair! Relationships with people outside your marriage or long term relationship are often more appealing than staying faithful to spouses and partners. Affairs are new, exciting and a reminder that we are still vital and desired people. These are the compelling reasons why so many people find themselves having an affair. The downside of an affair only ever faced when things get out of hand.
If you are considering an affair, relationships are about to become difficult for you. Whether that relationship be your long-term one or for that matter, the affair you're embarking on. You might think that your long-term relationship is bad now but just wait until your partner/spouse discovers you've been cheating on them.
Your spouse will feel betrayed, angry and devastated. Yes, the affair will devastate your marriage. Instead of turning to someone outside your relationship remember the promises you made. No marriage or relationship is without problems, the trick is to work at remaining focused and committed when these problems hit. So turn to your spouse or your partner instead of some seemingly appealing outsider.
Explain clearly to your spouse how you feel. Just because you are feeling this way about your relationship/marriage, it doesn't mean it's the same for your spouse/partner. They may very well have no idea you feel the relationship is in trouble, the only way you will know for sure is if you talk to them.
It is crucial that you both take the time to listen to each other. Avoid judging and criticizing each other, because this will not make either of you feel you can be open and honest about your feelings. If your spouse feels they are going to be mocked or criticized, then they will clam up. Equally so will you.
If you have already embarked upon an affair, then you need to weigh up what you want. Perhaps the marriage is well and truly over? You will only know this if you explore with honesty and sincerity how you feel. There is no good for either you or your partner in staying in a marriage/relationship that is just not working. If the relationship/marriage is toxic then the answer is to end it and with as little harm as possible.
Affair? Relationships? They both take time and effort and opting for an affair is not necessarily the easiest option youcould take. Whatever you're doing, and whoever you're doing it with, there at least three sets of feelings involved. Your lover might be casual about what they're doing in the beginning, but attachments are easily and quickly formed and before you know it, your lover could be putting all kinds of demands around what they want from you.
Think long and hard about the problems in your marriage/relationship. Is your relationship worth fighting for? If it is then you must do everything you can to avoid anaffair! Relationships can be greatly rewarding and an affaircan be deeply devastating.
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